So....the other day I decided that I should get my blood work done at the lab-I had four requests from various doctors for various reasons (all related to being a pregnant diabetic on Synthroid). They needed 4 tubes of blood.
...and a bottle of pee...
After sitting in the bathroom for way longer that normal, I concluded that there was no way I could give the required amount.
Without embarrassment, because it was a fact I couldn't change, I proceeded to put the bottle in the through-cupboard, washed up, and announced to the nurse (and all within earshot) that I couldn't pee more than a tablespoon.
I went home to conquer my fridge.
*a fact about me maybe a few of you know: If something goes bad in my fridge, I leave it in it's refrigerated container in the fridge until I am ready to deal with it and wash the container etc.*
So....I pulled out about 5 containers with contents now unknown. Took a spoon from the one kitchen drawer and headed to my little bathroom. I also took the precaution of the fact that the mystery contents may now have an unpleasant odor.
With whetted facecloth over my nose and mouth, I emptied 3 of the containers into the toilet, closed the lid and flushed. Went gasping back to the kitchen, dropped the empty containers into hot soapy water, and lit as many candles as I could readily find-about 5 in the kitchen, and 2 in the bathroom.
OK-back to the bathroom with the last container. This one was really a mystery. It was multi-colored and multi-textured. It plopped into the toilet with a solid thump as it rebounded off the bottom. 'Oh crap!' I thought, 'this is never gonna go down!' I closed the lid and flushed, wishing with all of my little brain cells that it would magically crumble, somehow, apart and go down without ever coming back to haunt me.
It didn't.
It didn't go down at all.
It's hard to break up a chunk of gross growing mass when you have one hand holding a facecloth (that's not quite working to keep the smell away) to your face. But break it up I did.
Close the lid. Flush. Swirl, swoosh, gurgle, bubble, choke, bubble...'it's not going down is it?!' I opened the lid once the noise stopped. There was everything, just as before, but in smaller chunks than the one solid piece of the first attempt.
One more try at breaking it up smaller. 'If this doesn't go down this time-I do not even want to think about how I'm going to have to get this out and throw it away....' *gag*
Smaller pieces successfully made, I hold the lid slightly closed so I can keep an eye on it this time - to monitor progress...
To my relief it went down without a problem.
'Why did I save this job for when I'm pregnant??' I go away breathing clean air.
So the next time I need to pee for the lab, I will drink water first.
The next time something goes bad in my fridge, I will deal with it like a girl should.
Oh-PS:
I thought pictures were inappropriate for this blog. I didn't want to make anyone puke. Besides, imagination serves a little too well most days anyway.
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